Father’s narcissism causes chaos in the family home, especially if the home follows the age-old model in which Dad is the Head Of The Family. When we grow up in that model, we always look to Dad for leadership. When Dad is a narcissist, the damage is insurmountable. Daughters are wrought with emotional stress from day one on being the perfect child and sons are never good enough to follow in fathers footsteps. But for the narcissist, that child cannot possibly be perfect. The child is not capable of understanding that their father is the cause of their issues, rather they blame themselves. Often reverting to the common phrase “I am so stupid, why did I do this?”
What happens there are 2 outcomes:
1.) Person with empathy:
Well you have been so much abused by your father that you constantly try your best to please your father and in this you understand your surroundings very well.
Your constant alertness regarding your father mood swings makes you a person of deep understanding and empathy for your father so as to understand and survive the abuse.
So you become a person with deep empathy.
You try to understand people situation and try to be in their shoes and feel the situation yourself and you will act accordingly.
From childhood you have deep wound in heart of being unloved and you try to find that in every person or you try to love someone who can complete you.
If the person gives you normal love, you will give 100x more love back hoping to feel validated and loved which you never felt in hands of your father.
In the end you love another empath it's match made in heaven.
But no god will give you another narc who will abuse same like your father did to you in childhood only difference is father is father and this narc will break your heart and make you understand why you have so much empathy in you and you will understand your true personality.
But girls like this are dream women for any men who want to feel and understand true meaning of love.
2.) Person with no empathy aka narc mirror of father.
This means this child can't understand the true meaning of empathy but can understand how to mimic it to please their father. They will hate all normal father son/daughter moments because she never had any and she will see themselves as an ugly soul who can't love herself and she can't love anyone.
They are full of hatred and feels threatened by other normal people in society.
So what's the way build a fake ego which tells them to be overconfident and only think about their survival even at cost of someone's life. Knows how to play mind games. Knows how to fake love. Wants other people to admire them. Will use partners as an ego supply to boost their ego. It's all about them and her feelings at this moment.
How to Grow Up with A Narcissistic Father
Just like anyone else, you will desire some normalcy to your life and healing from Daddy is the place to start. It can feel like an overwhelming endeavour, but it will be well worth it in the long run. How you choose to heal is completely up to you. Here are a few suggestions to consider:
Keep some things to yourself – Yes, we all want to share our inner most secrets or successes with someone. Since narcissists lack any empathy or compassion, it’s best to share those secrets or successes with someone else.
Set boundaries – just because you recognise the hurtful things he says, does not mean you have to take it. When he begins a tirade, immediately acknowledge it. “Stop playing mind games” and “Dad, this is not constructive” are two ways to assert that you know what he is doing and that you are not going to be abused.
Accept him as he is – this is tough. When we know something is wrong, we want to fix it. You can’t fix him, he must come to that decision on his own. The more you try to fix him, the worse things will get.
Get into good therapy – consider therapists that specialise in domestic violence (which does include emotional abuse) or narcissistic abuse.
Cut ties – as an adult, you have a lot more say about what is happening in your life. If your father is going to physical violence, you are not obligated to maintain that relationship any further. It’s difficult. And you should speak with your therapist, if you have one, before cutting ties.
Leave if you must – Initially acknowledging the abuse will make it happen more often. Some fathers will go into physical territory if challenged. Do not stay if you do not feel safe. Leave. Keep your car keys and your phone on you at all times so that he cannot interfere with your leaving.
Change your future – Many young women who have a narcissistic father, end up pairing themselves with a narcissist. Do your best to remember the signs and acknowledge them in your partner. Avoiding a repeat of the past means you can meet a great partner who truly loves and respects you.
Many of us have had a narcissistic parent, you are certainly not alone! By joining therapy groups and seeking counselling to heal, we can truly change the future for ourselves and our own children.
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