Boundaries are something that are talked about so much especially when reading about healing and narcissistic abuse. But what are they really? And why do you need them? You have experienced what it is like to live without boundaries or have weak boundaries and you’ve seen how this has affected you in your life. I want to highlight the realities of not having strong enough boundaries and perhaps shed some light as to why having and maintaining these practises are useful for you and loved ones around you. I am going to be using examples, because it will help deepen the understanding.
You have seen first hand what the realities are of not having strong enough boundaries, not just in your relationship with the narcissist but in other areas of your life too. Boundaries are a way of letting others know what is acceptable and what isn’t, it also is a way to gage for yourself what you are willing to accept and what you are not.
Living without boundaries gives others the message that they can treat you in whatever way suits them, no regard whether its suits you or not - because whether they treat you with respect or not you will be nice to them.
Living without boundaries gives others the message that they can treat you in whatever way suits them, no regard whether its suits you or not - because whether they treat you with respect or not you will be nice to them. You want to inform them that it doesn’t sit right with you. With this you embody the pain of the way that someone has treated you. It stews inside your body and rots from the inside out, because you embody the negative way that they have treated you. You then may develop anxiety, thinking about the way that you have been treated. Then what will happen is that every time you encounter that person or a similar situation it will trigger you and will take you back to that incident and will make you remember the way that you were treated and will bring back all of those emotions and feelings that you experienced when that situation was taking place.
You could call it a kind of traumatisation. I know that you may think this is a bit dramatic, but the effects are the same on the body. Look at this way, when you feel violated and your equilibrium is upset it initiates a reaction in your body. You tense up and become sad, possibly retreat into yourself. This is a negative affect on your body, these are the physiological affects in your body. Inside your body may even flood with cortisol when this happens it takes the body a long time to be able to flush the hormone out of its system. Usually resulting in enlarged areas of internal organs, such as the stomach area (solar plexus area, this is usually where the emotional brain is located and is largely affected). Cortisol attacks weaker parts of the body and emphasises the damage further, such as diabetes, asthma, certain cancers, adrenal problems, breathing related problems and emotional dysregulation. There is more to this list where affects are still largely unknown.
When somebody treats in a certain way there is a type of energy that is behind the action.
When somebody treats in a certain way there is a type of energy that is behind the action. If its a negative energy that is motivating you then the effects and the emittance of that energy will have a negative outlet. Similarly if the output is a positive one then the motivation behind it will be positive. The receiver will embody that energy whether it is positive or negative. So let’s look at this example in terms of the toxic person emitting negative behaviour towards you, be it a silent treatment or love bombing. Both in effect are motivated by a negative motivation at the core of it. Whether you are to blame or not you will embody that energy exchange in some form or another. Let’s take the silent treatment, its upsetting somebody withholding communication, you are lost in trying to understand why the person is doing this to you. Similarly when you are being love bombed, initially gives you a good feeling but behind this behaviour is a negative motivation at its core. You also will embody this negativity because the energy exchange is not pure. So you see, you will embody the energy because if its core motivation behind the behaviour.
A boundary is a barrier. Having a boundary means that you are not affected by the behaviour ANYBODY omits towards you. You have a layer that this energy will penetrate as far as this layer is in place, not allowing you to embody the full extent of this negativity towards you. Words, behaviours and thoughts carry this frequency and whether they are positive or negative will penetrate the same way. Boundaries will stop this from happening. This is why having boundaries is vital to your being.
If you would like to understand further how to build stronger boundaries and how to they can protect you, why not join the Balance Membership. Here I tell you exactly how you can build on existing knowledge that you have and you will not be affected by the behaviour someone else omits towards you. The Balance Membership is for people who want to become intentional about healing, understanding past traumas and building on becoming emotionally stronger. Register for free to a supportive online community.